Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and bid farewell to the Microsoft Zune player, which will be discontinued. Oh, Zune. You were just like the iPod, only no one wanted anything to do with you. So sad. LET’S GO!
THE COMEDY CENTRAL ROAST OF DONALD TRUMP – 10:30PM (Comedy Central) Time for Comedy Central to do that thing where they select a random person to make fun of for ninety minutes. For Donald Trump’s festival of mocking, the network has assembled the usual blend of seasoned roasting veterans and poorly chosen non-comedians. So keep the TV on for Jeffrey Ross, Whitney Cummings, and Lisa Lampanelli. And then flee the crime scene whenever you see the likes of Snoop Dogg (Juh?), Larry King (Wha?), Marlee Matlin (Bizzuh?), and whoever else happened to be around that night. The Situation was also one of the roasters for this event (again, I’m as puzzled as you are), but he reportedly bombed so badly that he was booed off the stage. So who knows if that will actually make the cut for the televised portion of the roast. Why do they always have such random roasters? Can’t they just have comedians do it and leave it at that? I don’t get it. ANTICIPATION: HAIR JOKES!
NCAA TOURNAMENT – 6:30PM (truTV) You’re probably used to the NCAA Tournament beginning on a Thursday, the way it ought to. But the NCAA, being the aggressively odd people that they are, decided to add three more teams to the mix this year and have them play in the “First Four,” four play-in games that they love so much they shuttled them off to truTV for reasons that no one can explain. Your first game is Arkansas-Little Rock (go Trojans!) versus UNC-Asheville, followed by UAB and Clemson. It’s an amuse bouche of madness, if you will. ANTICIPATION: MADNESS!
GLEE – 8:00PM (FOX) It was really only a matter of time before Kathy Griffin showed up on “Glee,” and now here we are. Tonight’s episode centers around original songs, so expect a couple of numbers tonight that are NOT cover versions, along with your standard array of butchered Top 40 hits such as Pink’s “Raise Your Glass,” Maroon 5’s “Misery,” and the Beatles’ “Blackbird.” Can’t believe they went there with “Blackbird.” The gall of these people. ANTICIPATION: GRIFFIN!
FOUR OF A KIND – 11:00PM (Lifetime) Lifetime’s new reality show focuses on a group of quadruplets in Minnesota. The twist? They aren’t babies! That’s right. They’re 17 years old and getting ready for senior year. It’s four times the awkwardness and mild rebellion. ANTICIPATION: QUADROPHENIA!
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MIAMI – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) Alexia hosts a Cuban-themed dinner, but Lea gripes about meat being on the menu because she’s a vegetarian. I already strongly dislike Lea. ANTICIPATION: INSUFFERABLE!