While the rest of the talk-show world revels in the fodder provided by David Letterman's sex scandal, "Tonight Show" host Conan O'Brien is talking about another major controversy involving a late-night host and nasty accusations.
"That's right, I'm talking about my feud with the mayor of Newark, N.J.," O'Brien said on last night's show
The battle between Conan and Newark Mayor Cory Booker has escalated into an all-out war between cities, airports and everything in between. It all started a few weeks ago when Conan made a joke about Newark that Booker didn't appreciate.
The late-night funnyman said Booker planned to improve the health-care system in Newark by giving people a bus ticket out of the city.
Hardy, har, har, har.
Booker retaliated by posting a YouTube video banning Conan from Newark Airport
and pointing out what a wonderful city his is.
O'Brien responded to Booker's video by saying he apologized, then noted Newark's many cultural gems, such as their "beautiful waterfront, thriving art scene, exciting regional cuisine, four-star lodging and world class live theater."
Of course, as he said that, photos were shown of a dingy bridge, a graffiti'd back alley, a Dunkin Donuts, some burned out cars and a peep show.
Then Conan pointed out he could still get to Newark Airport because part of one of the terminals is in Elizabeth, a neighboring city, and proceeded to ban Booker from Burbank Airport in California.
Then Booker retorted
by banning Conan from the entire state of New Jersey -- and all of Newark's sister cities around the globe.
That leads us to last night, when Conan tried to pop Booker's communal balloon.
"I have bad news for you, Mayor Booker. The municipalities of New Jersey don't roll quite as together as you think," he said.
Conan said he got a letter from one of his so-called allies -- the mayor of the neighboring city of Elizabeth.
"I think you've been done a grave injustice by being banned from the great state of New Jersey, so on behalf of all the residents of Elizabeth, I welcome you with open arms to New Jersey's fourth-largest city," Conan read from the letter. "And since Terminal A of Newark Airport lies in my city, I will rename it the Conan O'Brien terminal for your visit."
With Newark's bordering town on his side, Conan is poised to launch a full-scale attack.
"Now that I've established a beachhead, I'm going to begin my campaign to surround and crush you," O'Brien threatened Booker. The comedian said he would accomplish his mission by "shamelessly sucking up" to surrounding municipalities -- towns like East Orange, Kearny and Jersey City.
"With these cities, I now have Newark completely surrounded, creating a geographic toilet seat around the city of Newark," O'Brien said.
Then the comedian flushed the city down the figurative toilet he created by connecting the dots on his map, haughtily laughing and saying, "It's your move, Mayor Booker."
It remains to be seen whether Booker will appear on Conan's show to settle the score, but we think it'll happen -- soon.