I gotta admit, I like the Buffalo Bills, the Giants’ opponent for the second game of the 2016 preseason. I don’t root for them (thank heavens). But outside of the one team I actually root for (which isn’t the Giants), the Bills are among the select few franchises whose good fortune I welcome -- ya know, if that ever actually comes to pass.
Wishing well for the Bills requires no magnanimity, because this is a ghost ship franchise, the kind that can hold the current record for the longest postseason drought among the fourth North American major sports and yet not be considered a truly star-crossed and stupid outfit.
The Browns, Chargers and Lions? Yep, they’re star-crossed and stupid. But the Bills have somehow managed to miss the playoffs every single season since 1999 -- and yet they’ve never stunk enough to earn the No. 1 pick. That’s a savant-like commitment to mediocrity: never too high (duh), but never too low. No one associates them with such wasted No. 1 picks like Jamarcus Russell, Alex Smith, Sam Bradford, David Carr, Tim Couch or Courtney Brown, who were all taken in the top spot in drafts since 1999.
The Bills haven’t even been bad enough to earn the No. 2 pick at any time since 1999. So while some Colts fans were wondering if the team had made a mistake in drafting Andrew Luck with the top selection in 2012, and Washington fans were wondering if they’d lucked into Robert Griffith III with the second pick (hah), Bills fans had no such dilemma. The team grabbed cornerback Stephen Gilmore at the ho-hum No. 10 slot.
The highest the Bills have drafted since 1999 was No. 3 (defensive tackle Marcell Dareus, 2011) and No. 4 (tackle Mike Williams, 2002). Dareus has been good (when he hasn’t been nabbed for smoking Satan’s weed), and Williams was a bust. So Mike Williams, who was drafted 14 years ago, is still held up as the paragon of Buffalo draft busts. How can Bills fans be pissed at him? That’s like holding a grudge against the grammar school girlfriend that you dated for a week.
The Giants have no such baggage. The team has won one Super Bowl per decade since the 1980s (1986, 1990, 2007, 2011) and twice beaten a close regional rival (New England) in the Super Bowl. The Bills have reached four Super Bowls and lost all four -– starting with a loss to the Giants when Scott Norwood went wide right in 1990.
But the Bills nowadays have something the Giants don’t (Rex Ryan). And that means Buffalo’s defenders in this game are going to be vampires hunting Eli Manning like he’s got a dripping neck wound. Manning can vouch for Ryan’s counterintuitive approach to preseason football. When Ryan was coaching the Jets in 2010, his defense blitzed the future Hall of Famer relentlessly and left Manning with a three-inch ooozing gash on his forehead that required 12 stitches.
Rex Ryan + Eli Manning = WWE.
Sports
This is Manning’s first game action of 2016, because head coach Ben McAdoo thought it was prudent to spend the first preseason game seeing what Ryan Nassib was incapable of doing. Manning and the Giants would be wise to hit the ground running; otherwise, he might be hitting the ground face-first.
Buffalo is a franchise with nothing to lose and everything to gain –- even in the preseason, and especially with Ryan and his twin brother, Rob, leading the charge. Usually it’s impossible to predict what a meaningless preseason game like this would produce. But on one side you have a team with Super Bowl aspirations, and on the other side you have a franchise itching to break the streak for longest North American playoff drought –- led by the Ryan brothers.
Have I convinced you that it’s going to be a game worth watching? If not, you’re beyond help.
