Job Creation? Let's Work as Nannies, Maids & Chauffeurs | NBC New York

Job Creation? Let's Work as Nannies, Maids & Chauffeurs

The GOP fails to see how construction and infrastructure projects will create jobs

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    Mitch McConnell just remembered that spending is bad when Democrats do it.

    After eight years of approving pretty much any spending bill that crossed their desks, Republicans finally remembered that they don't like spending. They much prefer tax cuts, which are a magical elixir to pretty much any ailment short of the bubonic plague.

    Nancy Pelosi and her merry band of idiots did the Democrats no favors by loading up the stimulus bill with all sorts of comical garbage for Republicans to complain about. When you are known as the San Francisco Queen of Profligacy and Loose Morals, you should probably not look at the most important piece of legislation in your new president's tenure as an opportunity to promote birth control and lawn maintenance. It makes Matt Drudge happy, but it makes Democrats look like fools.

    Which is not to say that the stimulus bill is full of obnoxious liberal sex subsidies and nothing but. Republicans have helpfully offered to separate the wheat from the chaff by itemizing the most objectionable parts of the stimulus package. These frivolous spending initiatives do not create jobs, and will not help the economy, so they must be disposed of immediately and never spoken of again:

    • $448 million to build headquarters for the Department of Homeland Security. After all, who ever heard of anyone getting hired to build a $448 million building? Those things build themselves. Frivolous.
    • $125 million for the Washington sewer system. It is a well-known fact that the Washington sewers are a self-healing entity, so spending $125 million on this project would be literally flushing money down the toilet.
    • $500 million for flood reduction projects on the Mississippi River. Ha! Whoever heard of large-scale public works projects creating jobs?
    • $10 million to inspect canals in urban areas. Don't we have robots to do that? Horribly frivolous.
    • $500 million for building and repairing National Institutes of Health facilities in Bethesda, Maryland. See the above objection to the Homeland Security building. Everybody knows that construction projects arise spontaneously, from the ground, without the aid of human labor.
    In sum, literally the only way to revive the economy and create jobs is to reduce the corporate tax rate to -17 percent, eliminate the capital gains tax, and lower the highest income tax bracket to 15 percent. We must get our nation's wealthy spending again, so that they can create well-paying nanny, maid, and chauffeuring jobs for the rest of us!

    Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and Wonkette, and moonlights as a canal inspector.