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Thursday Watch List: Redneck, Come Home!



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    EAST DUBLIN, GEORGIA - JULY 11: L-Bow shows contestants how not to throw a ringer in the Redneck Horseshoe game during the 13th Annual Summer Redneck Games July 11, 2009 in East Dublin, Georgia. Started in 1996 as a spoof for the summer Olympics held in Atlanta, the games feature bobbing for pigs feet, hub cap hurling and the mud pit belly flop contest for trophies. (Photo by Stephen Morton/Getty Images)

    Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and congratulate the Dalai Lama on his retirement. I’m told he plans on retiring to a peaceful, isolated life filled with daily meditation. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m not really sure what he’s retiring FROM. LET’S GO!

    MY BIG REDNECK INTERVENTION – 9:00PM (CMT) From the title of this show, you might think that this would involve a group of people surrounding a redneck and forcing him to change his horrible redneck ways. No more rasslin’ gators. No more listenin’ to Toby Keith. No more paintin’ Confederate flags on other people’s babies. But no. No, this show is the exact OPPOSITE. It’s about getting people who used to be rednecks to become rednecks AGAIN! Juh? What good does that do society? Why not just hand them a tub for meth-making and go the extra mile? Anyway, your subject this evening is a country girl who gets used to city life with them there city folk and is then subjected to an intervention by idiot family members who want her to return to her “redneck roots.” Sweetheart, stay in the city. I promise you, you’re better off. ANTICIPATION: WRONG!

    POLAR BEAR: SPY ON THE ICE – 10:00PM (Animal Planet) Hidden camera footage shows what polar bears do when they think no one is watching. And would you believe it? They pee in the office coffeepot. That is so gross. ANTICIPATION: POLAR BEARS!

    ARCHER – 10:00PM (FX) Rachael Harris (a seasoned vet of Adam Reed’s shows) guest stars tonight as a Hollywood star. And ever since I found out that Lana Kane is based on a real woman, I’ve been unable to sleep. We MUST find the real Lana Kane. For the sake of every red-blooded man in America. ANTICIPATION: FIND LANA KANE!

    THE MENTALIST – 10:00PM (CBS) A doctor is murdered on a golf course. Good. Serves him right. I bet he was sneaking in a quick 18 while six patients were sitting in his waiting room. Doctors are evil like that. ANTICIPATION: DR. DEATH!

    AMERICAN IDOL – 8:00PM (FOX) Adam Lambert performs tonight. Are we all over Adam Lambert now? No stragglers, right? We’ve got “Glee” and that’s really about as much flamboyancy as TV needs right now, yes? Okay. Just making sure that was settled. ANTICIPATION: EYELINER!