Eliot Spitzer Psyched He Isn't the Biggest News Item This Week - NBC New York

Eliot Spitzer Psyched He Isn't the Biggest News Item This Week

No charges for Client Nine in mildly controversial decision; the ex-gub is apparently miserable anyway

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    No federal charges are to be brought against Ex-New York Governor Eliot Spitzer for his conduct in last March's prostitution scandal. Also, he's totally miserable.

    Well, it's official: The Spitz walks. Yesterday's decision was handed down by U.S. Attorney Michael Garcia, who apparently factored Client Nine had suffered enough, what with losing his position as governor and the respect of, well, pretty much everyone, including mobsters (who actually know how to bury transactions as small as the ones paid to the Emperor's Club) and prostitutes (who lost a regular for stupid reasons). Also, it was harder to pin down the crime as he apparently didn't use campaign dollars to pay for his sexytime with Ashley Dupré, because apparently, even stupid has its limits.

    In related news, Daily Intel knows a guy who knows a guy who stood in line with Spitz to vote, and reports that "Spitzer’s suffering remains visibly apparent." How did that manifest itself, exactly? Has he lost weight? Did he have a five-, seven- or eleven-o'clock shadow? Was he wearing yellowed overalls or clutching a creased copy of checkout-counter Sudoku and a month's worth of Fancy Feast for his only friends left in the world? We need details. The world needs details. Above all, wronged wife Silda Spitzer(remember this photo?) needs the hell out of some details. So if you don't do it for us -- or for journalistic integrity -- do it for Silda.