Joan Rivers Roasted: The Best One-Liners

Comics crush Rivers at Comedy Central roast, and she laughs the hardest

You know how comedians always say that when they're around each other they have to pull out the most offensive material possible to make each other laugh? I guess these roasts are a televised example of that.

Anyway, aside from that, the Comedy Central roast was fine, overall. Here were the few jokes that actually made me laugh during the mind-numbingly lengthy roast last night.

"You've been stitched up thousands of times, but you're still sad to look at. You're like the AIDS quilt." -- Greg Giraldo, Re: Kathy Griffin.

"Robin, you look like a syrup bottle." -- Greg Giraldo, Re: Robin Quivers.

"I saw that movie you guys did together. Great TV movie about your lives. It was called Grey Gardens." -- Mario Cantone, on Joan and Melissa.

"I'm not trying to be judgmental. I just hate when someone uses a much more famous relative to further their career. Melissa -- that's my game, b----." -- Tom Arnold

"This isn't a roast, it's an autopsy!" -- Jeffrey Ross, on Joan Rivers' age.

"Joan, you've been called a b---- more times than a white guy serving a life sentence." -- Robin Quivers

"Joan, by the way -- loved you in Saw." -- Robin

"Ohh, it's funny!" -- Joan, scolding the horrified crowd during Jeffrey Ross' set.

"Tonight is a perfect fit for Joan's favorite charity. Melissa." -- Jeffrey Ross

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