Monday Watch List: The JK Rowling Instabiopic

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and watch America go broke. LET’S GO!

MAGIC BEYOND WORDS: THE JK ROWLING STORY – 8:00PM (Lifetime) If your appetite for all things Harry Potter hasn’t been sated by the final film, well then Lifetime has just the thing for you: A hastily assembled biopic of JK Rowling’s life starring Poppy Montgomery. Again, this is only if you’re really, REALLY hungry for more Potternalia. Like, dying-in-the-desert starved. The film represents something of a change of pace from your usual Lifetime fare, because Rowling’s story is a classic rags-to-riches tale, and because Rowling never had a seemingly perfect boyfriend that turned out to be a deranged serial killer. OR DID SHE? This is Lifetime, so you never know what they’ll do to make it fit their ethos. ANTICIPATION: ROWLING!

MANN VS. FORD – 9:00PM (HBO) I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but it appears that some American corporations are irresponsible when it comes to disposing of toxic waste. Join HBO Documentaries tonight as they take a look at the class action lawsuit filed against Ford Motors by the Ramapough Mountain Native American tribe, accusing Ford of using their lands to dump their assorted unmentionables. Why do I suspect this won’t have a pleasant ending? ANTICIPATION: SAD!

HELL’S KITCHEN – 8:00PM (FOX) Season nine of Gordon Ramsey’s shoutfest begins tonight, and at stake is what appears to be a real live job: a head chef position at BLT Steak restaurant in New York. Though I find it hard to believe the folks within the BLT empire would entrust the running of that entire restaurant to one reality show winner. I guarantee you the restaurant has 500 head chefs and 67 executive chefs that oversee those 500 dingbats, plus a Viceroy Chef to rule them all. ANTICIPATION: STEAKY!

LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN – 11:30PM (CBS) Dave welcomes Bono and the Edge, who are there to present a performance from “Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark.” Because why fly to New York and pay $500 a ticket to see how awful the show is when you can experience the horror at home for free? I’m told the performance this evening alone will cost investors $569 million. ANTICIPATION: DEBACLE!

HOW I MADE MY MILLIONS – 9:00PM (CNBC) Because when the country can’t pay its bills and you can’t pay your dental bills, the first thing you want to see is a show about a rich person talking about how rich they are. ANTICIPATION: MASOCHISM!

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