Punchlines ripped from the headlines

"They Took His Juice Box Away": Late-Night Hosts Bank on Bieber

"I don't know if I'm looking at a mugshot or a Proactiv commercial," Jimmy Fallon said

By Justin Ray
|  Friday, Jan 24, 2014  |  Updated 11:34 AM EDT
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Late-night comedy show hosts Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel and David Letterman used the pop star's arrest for jokes.

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Late-night show hosts piled on Justin Bieber after the singer's arrest in Florida on DUI, driving with a suspended license and resisting arrest charges.

LENO

Jay Leno opened "The Tonight Show" by trumpeting a fake announcement from President Barack Obama.

"Very exciting news, Obama announced today that America's number one domestic terrorist was arrested today," Leno said. "They have finally arrested Justin Bieber. We don't have to live in fear anymore."

Leno went on to joke about the details of Bieber's arrest.

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"DUI-resisting Justin was caught going 60 miles an hour in a Lamborghini," Leno said. "Hey Justin, it's called second gear, try it sometime. But to be fair it is Florida so anything over 20 is considered drag racing."

Next, Leno discussed Bieber's alleged driving under the influence.

"Bieber told police he had consumed alcohol, smoked marijuana, and had taken some prescription medication," Leno said, "or what Toronto Mayor Rob Ford likes to call a light snack."

Leno couldn't resist using one of Bieber's hits for a punchline, saying the pop star wouldn't "want to be singing 'I wanna be your boyfriend'" to guys in prison.

FALLON

Fallon also opened his monologue with a joke about the 19-year-old's youth.

"He was arrested for drag racing and drunk driving in a rented Lamborghini," Fallon said, "which is surprising when you hear that the only racecar he had been in before that was his bed."

Fallon then made a joke referencing allegations from Bieber's neighbor in Los Angeles, who claims the pop star egged his house.

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"That's right, Bieber was arrested for drunk driving in a Lamborghini," Fallon said. "He's facing a pretty stiff penalty. They say he can get up to two years of being his own neighbor."

Finally, Fallon poked fun at Bieber's smiling mugshot.

"I don't know if I'm looking at a mugshot or a Proactiv commercial," Fallon said. "He's so excited to be arrested."

CONAN

On TBS, Conan O'Brien also joked about Bieber's brief jail stint.

"The police report described him as 5-feet, 9-inches and 140 lbs.," Obrien said, "Or as his cell mate put it, 'just right'."

O'Brien also used fake video to mock the singer's court appearance.

"Now earlier today, Bieber appeared in court before a judge," Conan said. "I think he doesn't understand the seriousness of the situation."

Then, a doctored clip played showing Bieber's head superimposed on a body, making it look as if the pop star was burning money and flipping off the judge.

LETTERMAN

Bieber also made David Letterman's "Late Show" Top 10 list. "Justin Bieber Headlines We're Likely to Read" included: 
 
5. Jury enters third day of belieberations
 
4. Bieber, Kardashian married
 
3. Bieber, Kardashian finalize divorce
 
2. Mayor Rob Ford names Bieber chief of police
 
1. Justin tweets photo of his Bieber
 

KIMMEL
 
Jimmy Kimmel made a joke relating the singer to another star who has grabbed headlines.
 
"Just when the streets are finally safe from Lindsay Lohan, Justin Bieber comes out of nowhere," Kimmel said.
 
Kimmel also took note of the different facial expressions in Bieber's two mugshots.
 
"I think between the first and second picture they took his juice box away," Kimmel said. 
 
The late-night show host said Bieber was "arrested in Miami Beach early this morning on charges of DUI, resisting arrest, driving with an expired license, and he's in trouble with his grandparents for not stopping by to visit while he was in town."
 
Then, Kimmel read a series of tweets, including the one below:
 
"No one is talking about the real victims here, the people who aren't in jail meeting Justin Bieber," Kimmel said about the tweet.
 

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