This Is Also Why You're Dumb

With just a modicum of common sense almost anyone can figure out why fast-food gobbling Americans are fat. But a new study shows that our binging is not just making us obese, but shrinking the size of our brains.

And this mass idiocy brought on by obesity can be the only explanation for Kentucky Fried Chicken's decision to test market its Double Down Sandwich combo -- a sandwich that replaces the bread with deep fried chicken. As the voiceover on the TV ad enthuses "Two pieces of cheese, two pieces bacon, and two pieces of chicken ... We didn't have room for the bread." (Before any of you comment "MMM...bacon," please realize that this is only available in Rhode Island and Nebraska.) Of course, in addition to the fried chicken, bacon, pepperjack cheese, and Swiss cheese, the whole shebang is smothered in the Colonel's sauce (which is really a disgusting thing to call a sandwich topping if you think about it).

Which brings us back to how this could have possibly happened. Well, the research is quite clear: a study by researchers at UCLA found that the brains of overweight people were 6 percent smaller than those of the control group, and the brains of obese people were 8 percent smaller. Further, the brains of obese people appeared up to 16 years older.

And wait, that's not all: The research also found that the brain atrophy in the frontal and temporal lobes, which control eating behavior and metabolism, could be a contributing factor to yet more weight gain.

So there you have it. Those who design and market KFC's products are clearly obese, older people out to make the rest of the country just like them.