STAND AND DELIVER: You thought Top Chef was cutthroat -- try being in one of 30 teams competing in the World Series of Stand-Up (formerly known as March Comedy Madness) at Caroline's. The winnowing process continues, and the next Dane Cook lives and breathes in this group, for better or worse. Caroline's regular Bryan Kennedy hosts. 7PM.
TAT'S ALL: Not everyone could get away with recounting how she made fun of her own mom for wanting to get a tattoo, but Jancee Dunn's winning ways have always made her likeable, even back when she was a features writer for Rolling Stone. Dunn presents her book of essays "Why is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?" at a launch party at WORD in Greenpoint at 7:30PM.
TAKE ME OUT: Cheering for the minor-league Brooklyn Cyclones in their season-opener game (against the Staten Island Yankees) is quaint summer fun -- tonight, the team will rename itself the Baracklyn Cyclones, and the first 2,500 fans through the gates will take home a Barack Obama Cyclones bobblehead. Aww. Keyspan Park, 7PM.