LOOSE CANNON: The self-dubbed "face of post-racial America" takes a break from his brilliant, cuckoo turn as Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock to try out new material onstage at Caroline's as brilliant, cuckoo Tracy Morgan. Through Sun. 15; times vary.
TWITS FOR CHARITY: Because Twestival - an epic night involving Twitter users in 175 cities across the globe, including a massive party at Chelsea's M:2 - is dumping all its proceeds into a charity that gets safe drinking water to impoverished communities, we won't mock it. But we do wonder if party guests will stop Twittering about the party long enough to talk to each other. 7:30PM.
CURVES AHEAD: Set the brouhaha aside and go see Jessica Simpson's new bod for yourself at Madison Square Garden. She can sing, too, you know - she's opening for country crossover megastar Rascal Flatts. 8PM.