I guess by now you've heard the news: you're second banana, kid.
Listen, you had a good run. You were the trendiest breed in America for a few years there -- way trendier than the puggle, even. So when the first family announced it had narrowed its dog search to two breeds, and you were one of them, nobody was even surprised.
But nothing lasts forever. And now that Michelle Obama has revealed that the First Pup will likely be a Portuguese Water Dog, let us be the first to say this publicly: Suck it, Labradoodle.
That's right: Suck it.
Where's your concession speech, Labradoodle? Or did you -- in your curly haired hubris -- not even bother to write one, because you thought you were untouchable? It was bound to happen; something as trendy as you can't last forever. That's why they're called trends.
Know what's not trendy? Portuguese Water Dogs. They've been around since the 13th century. Portuguese explorers used them to retrieve nets, when this country was still tumbleweeds and tundra. The Labradoodle, on the other hand, premiered the same year as Seinfeld. There's a dog alive right now that was born before your breed even existed.
Oh, and the "oodle" part? You wouldn't have that without Portuguese Water Dogs, because poodles are descended from them. You basically owe your insta-fame and omni-popularity to Porties. You're welcome. So, Doodle, you can keep your cuteness and your springy limbs and your googly look of perpetual Alf-like surprise 'cause you're not taking them to the White House.
And to those who said the Obamas should get a cat instead, we say, great idea! When the house is on fire, the cat can usher Sasha and Malia to safety. Oh, wait, no it can't, because only dogs do that. But hey, when the world gets its first rescue cat -- not to mention its first seeing-eye cat -- we'll be in touch. Until then, you know what you can do? You can suck it, too.
P.S. No hard feelings, Labradoodle. You made it to second place, after all, and that's really something. Look at Clay Aiken.