Oh, the hallmarks of long-distance romance. The fluttery, heart-rending phone calls. The tearful arrival-lounge reunions. The selfish, devastating, irreversible damage you're doing to the environment.
It's true: long-distance relationships are just plain bad for the Earth, says this article in Slate, and your white-hot passion is melting the glaciers as we speak. Think of the emissions from your plane or car. YoungSmith points to a conservationist (oh, the irony) who flies to meet up with her beau once a month, and tallies up just how much of a toll keeping their love alive is taking on the Earth, via metric tons of CO2 annually. Answer: Major! Why not microwave some styrofoam or drive a Hummer, while you're at it?
Of course, it's a short distance (ha) from there to YoungSmith talking about lovers like they're produce: The farther they travel from, the worse the eco-impact. And that can only mean one thing: Date Local! To wit:
Let's start thinking about "sex miles": Just how far was this person shipped to hook up with you? And how many times more efficient would it be to date someone within a 100-mile radius?
So if you're one of these planet-frying hedonists who believe that "love" conquers "all," don't bother trying to make up for it by getting a Prius or shopping for organic kale at the farmer's market, you hypocrite. Walk the talk by finding a nice boy or girl in the same town! But remember, moving to be together isn't the end of the battle: As we learned earlier this week, having more than two kids is also a terrible, planet-hating thing to do.