14 Things That Don't Stink About the Jets

After Sunday’s 31-0 blowout at San Diego, in which the Jets offense treated the 50-yard line as if it were an electric fence and the defense transformed Branden Oliver into the second coming of Marshall Faulk, it may seem to Jets fans that it just can’t get any worse.

Of course, those of us who’ve been around a while know that it can, and all too frequently has. Yes, the Jets are a lowly 1-4, and the Chargers game was certainly a low point in a lackluster 2014 campaign. However, the team’s faithful can take comfort in a few things:

1. Mercifully, it’s been so long that many don’t remember that future Hall of Famers Pete Carroll and Bill Belichick were once Jets head coaches (Carroll for one forgettable 6-10 season, and Belichick for about 11 seconds before resigning at the only press conference more awkward than the one last week when Phil Mickelson lambasted Tom Watson after yet another Ryder Cup loss for the U.S.).

2. Rich Kotite, who succeeded Carroll as head coach because former Jets owner Leon Hess "wanted to win now" (bringing Kotite over from Philadelphia after he finished his Eagles run with 7 straight losses), is no longer the Jets coach. In fact, Kotite was so awful in his 2 years at the helm (4 wins, 28 losses) that he is the only fired NFL coach in history who didn’t catch on as an assistant with another team or a TV guy. I’m told Kotite now coaches the JV quidditch team (he’s the lead assistant) at a high school near Hogwarts.

3. Vernon Gholston isn’t available for the Jets to take in the 2015 NFL Draft. Neither, for that matter, is Roger Vick, Blair Thomas, or Johnny “Lam” Jones (selected by Jets one spot ahead of best OL ever Anthony Munoz in 1980 Draft).

4. Through five games this season, no Jet has been knocked unconscious by teammate’s posterior.

5. Darrelle Revis wasn’t traded within the division (oh wait, I think he’s back now anyway).

6. Ryan Quigley usually punts the ball very far (after yet another three-and-out).

7. Fireman Ed still attends games.

8. A new provision has been worked into Marty Mornhinweg’s contract prohibiting him from speaking -- let alone calling time out -- in last two minutes of games.

9. Longtime AFC East rivals Miami and Buffalo have stunk for years, and, while the Bills have gotten off to a promising start this year, that doesn’t really look to change anytime in next decade.

10. The team’s jerseys and helmets are much cooler now then they were in the 1990s, when they were, in a word, ugly.

11. AJ Duhe didn’t just intercept another Richard Todd pass in the “Mud Bowl.”

12. The home field is no longer Shea Stadium, where much of the crowd was obviously bused in from nearby Rikers Island.

13. Sal Alosi is no longer on staff (although he did provide some of best special teams coverage Jets have had in years).

14. There’s always next year. That’s a good thing, right?

Pete Zwiebach writes about the Jets for NBCNewYork.com. Zwiebach lives in New York City with his wife and two kids, who without fail manage to block his view of the TV whenever a game-changing play occurs.

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