The Saints’ 52-49 victory over the Giants on Sunday was the most predictable outcome in North American sports history. Anyone with a fully developed medulla oblongata knew that both teams feature high-scoring offenses and that both teams feature defense coordinators who like to flaunt red matador capes and shout “ole!”
Anyone who has watched this year’s Giants in the fourth quarter of close games also knew Big Blue would do something memorable to lose the game. They did not disappoint.
This record-setting game featured a lot of amazing plays, insanity and ineptitude, so let’s pay our respects to the Hero, Nero and Zero.
Hero: Eli Manning
What? You expected the honor to go to Drew Brees for his record-tying seven touchdown passes? Nyet.
Granted, Brees had a great game, what with 511 yards passing and those ridiculous TD pass totals. But he also threw one interception and also threw a hospital pass to Willie Snead that was basically an INT, but which was called a fumble when Snead was jacked by Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and Trumain McBride brought it back for a touchdown. Brees also had another TD pass that somehow floated in between double coverage near the goal line and should have been picked.
Manning, meanwhile, threw six touchdown passes himself, and was 30 of 41 for 350 yards — and no interceptions. If the Giants had some semblance of a defense — ya know, other than team dunce Damontre Moore running with his head down into the quarterback for 15-yard penalties — people would be talking about Eli as an MVP candidate. He’s having the best season of his career, and on Sunday converted two fourth downs for touchdowns.
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It’s not his fault the team’s defense couldn’t cover a cracker with a tub full of cream cheese.
Nero: Tom Coughlin
We love Brad Wing, who has been a dynamite acquisition and has regularly pinned the opposition deep with his surgical punts. So it was astonishing to see him kick the ball in bounds at the end of yesterday’s game. Sure, the Giants missed two tackles right after Saints’ punt returner Willie Snead caught the ball, but why would you even give him the chance to run the ball back? Do the Giants not realize their long, distinguished history of end-of-game punting situations?
Coach Tom Coughlin said they were going for distance, and that you couldn’t predict the missed tackles or the questionable facemask penalty on Wing, who was himself being shoved in the face on the tackle. But that’s the whole point: so many things can go wrong on a punt return, especially on the road, that it seems imperative to sacrifice distance in order to kick the ball out of bounds.
Every Giants fan over the age of two months old knew that something was about to go wrong when Wing dropped back to punt with 20 second left in regulation.
Zero: Teams better than the Giants in NFC East
Despite the crushing loss to New Orleans, the 4-4 Giants remain alone in first place, one win better than both the Eagles and Washington (both 3-4), who were on bye this week.
The Giants did a lot of good things in the game against the Saints. New Orleans native Odell Beckham Jr. had three touchdown catches, and even honored Michael Jackson with one post-score celebratory dance.
Wing averaged 40.5 yards on punts and celebrated one great kick by mimicking a golfer who has landed a great chip shot.
And Coughlin admitted that his team closes games about as well as the Mets.
OK, fine, he didn’t cop to that, but he didn’t need to because everyone knows it. This Giants team is talented and exciting — and blatantly flawed. Perhaps the returns of Jason Pierre-Paul, Prince Amukamara and Jon Beason will help down the stretch. Until then, they need Manning to continue to play flawlessly just to have a chance.
