I’m no jet setter (no pun intended), but I’ve been to London, and, to the best of my recollection, there is plenty of toilet paper there. Apparently, the Jets’ logistical crew is unaware of this, because they’ve brought along 350 rolls of the fluffy white stuff for their Trans-Atlantic trip to play the Dolphins on Sunday at Wembley Stadium.
Deep-diving investigative reports are suggesting Gang Green just likes good ol’ American TP better than what they’ve got in the U.K. For a bunch of football players, these guys are higher-maintenance than Thurston Howell III.
The game will start at 9:30 a.m. EST, giving us East Coasters a sampling of the blessed wall-to-wall football Sundays those on the Left Coast get to enjoy, but other than that, it’s business as usual for the Jets, who, weirdly, are considered the visiting team (then again, it’d be pretty strange if they were the home team, though no less bizarre than the toilet paper thing).
For the third week in a row, Todd Bowles and company face a desperate opponent sorely in need of a win. This time, it’s archrival Miami, which would almost surely be winless if they had played anyone but Washington -- a team that wouldn’t finish in the top half of the SEC standings -- in Week 1. Last week, the Fish got trounced by Rex Ryan’s Bills, a loss for which head coach Joe Philbin squarely shouldered the blame. Then again, Philbin always seems at a loss, even as calls for his head grow louder with each passing game.
Through three games, Miami has been inept on offense and ineffectual on defense.
Often playing from behind, they’ve thrown the ball more than twice as much as they’ve run it, but haven’t done much damage through the air or on the ground.
On the other side of the ball, the Dolphins have surrendered 64 points over the past two weeks. Their pass rush has been nonexistent, even with the $114 million man, Ndamukong Suh, anchoring the front. I’m not sure what the all-time low is for sacks in a 16-game season, but, with just one to date, I’d be willing to bet that Miami is on pace to break the record.
Put simply, the Dolphins have no business beating the Jets -- be it in London, New York, Miami or on Mars (can you imagine how much TP the Jets would be packing for that voyage?). But neither did the Eagles, another desperate team that was able to take advantage of Gang Green’s uncharacteristic ineptitude (this year, anyway) last Sunday.
If the Jets play smart, they’ll get the W. If they play like they did vs. Philly, all bets are off -- except in London, of course, where you can bet legally. Cheers.