Snooki is more than just a reality star or a hamster in a ball. The "Jersey Shore" guidette is now an author now, too, and she and her large brunette pouf are invading bookshelves on Tuesday.
"A Shore Thing," in all its pun-ny glory, chronicles the beach adventures of "pint-size Gia," a "carefree, outspoken party girl" at Seaside Heights, N.J., as she and her cousin look for hunky Italian love. Sound familiar?
For those who either can't wait or refuse to cough up $24, the New York Post leaked a few lines about the girls' "sexiest summer ever":
"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."
The tome also promises such "Jersey Shore" wisdom and sentimental self-discovery as: "I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."
The plot line, according to publisher Simon & Schuster, includes page-turning adventures like "nearly burning down their rented bungalow, inventing the popular "tan-tags" at the Tantastic Salon where she works, and rescuing a shark on the beach" is inspired by real-life "Jersey Shore" shenanigans.
A descriptive moment in a New Jersey slammer echoes the time the reality starlet was arrested for drunkenly causing a raucous at the beach.
"Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn't nearly as gritty and disgusting as she'd seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank -- on a weekday afternoon -- was as clean and quiet as a church."
In case anyone had any doubt of Snooki's literary talent, the "Shore" took pre-emptive action on her haters by setting the record straight.
"My cast mates are really surprised that I'm an author, because they didn't even know that I read books," Snooki said in a promotional video released by Simon & Shuster. "But like I said on "Ellen" I can go to frickin' Barnes and Noble and get a coffee and read a book."
Snooki has big ambitions, and they don't end with literature. The tanning celeb said that she hopes to one day have a talk show, pen more books, and maybe try out acting, "just to say that I tried it."
She may be no Shakespeare, but her biggest fans will surely give the book two fist pumps up.