What makes people like you, trust you, and find you easy to work with? More than any other factor, it's your manner of speaking.

Vague, wandering, wordy speech habits, for example, force people to work harder to understand you. But the worst habit that people with poor speech etiquette have is passive aggressive language: saying one thing when you mean another.

Why? Because when people sense that they're hearing something charged or emotional but don't know what it means, they don't know how to respond. Are you insulting them? Did they do something wrong? It's rude, hurtful, and corrosive to relationships. 

If you want to have excellent speech etiquette, avoid these phrases:

1. 'No offense, but...'

This version and its variants ("I hate to say this, but...") are almost always followed by an offensive remark that the speaker didn't hate enough not to say. The result is insincere and confusing.

What to say instead:

• "I need to tell you something you might not like."
• "I have something I'd like to voice, if this is a good time." 

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2. 'Whatever you think is best.'

If used as a snide kiss-off, this conversation-ender conveys disagreement or dissatisfaction with an outcome or decision without directly addressing it, much less trying to be constructive.

What to say instead:

• "I'm not sure I agree. Something feels off about this."
• "Let me think about it. I'll come back if I have anything smart to offer."

3. 'Must be nice.'

This one stinks to high heaven for sneaking anger, self-pity, and jealousy under the guise of being a pseudo-compliment. It can also convey that the speaker doesn't deserve whatever nice thing it is they have.

Why not be generous and congratulate the speaker? Or at least be dignified and shut up? The odds are huge that you're going to win your share of life's small prizes. But sometimes, you're not. Don't begrudge others their micro-moments of glory.

What to say instead:

• "That's great!"
• "I'm happy for you." (Yep — just say it.)

4. 'I'm fine.'

If you're really fine, ok, you're fine. If you're not, this glib, verbal equivalent of an eye-roll represents a classic refusal to communicate feelings honestly. Kissing cousins: "It's fine." "No big deal."

If you hear or feel resentment in your tone — or in your gut — as you say this, be honest: Are you hiding some petty pique?

What to say instead:

• "I don't know. I don't love the situation, but let me think about it."
• (Say nothing at all.)

5. 'Wow, I could never do that.'

It's likely these words mean what they say at least sometimes. But most people hearing them understandably hear you saying, "Wow, I would never do that." Behind the feigned admiration lurks a depth charge of judgement or criticism. 

What to say instead:

• "Wow, what made you do that?"
• "How did it work out?"

6. 'I didn't mean it that way.'

Often blurted out after a clearly intentional insult or hurtful remark, this faux-backtracker is the fraternal twin to "no offense, but..." and "I hate to say this, but...". It's the fake apology proffered after saying something you really know you shouldn't have said.

What to say instead:

• "I'm sorry."
• "That was thoughtless of me."

7. 'Do whatever you want.'

This is the gold star of silent crybabies, heaped high with silent scorn, disapproval and frustration, all at once. There's almost no imaginable usage of this phrase that isn't passive aggressive. If you think you can say these words and not inform your listeners that you're bitter, wake up.

What to say instead:

• "I disagree, but we're all adults here."
• "Ok."

We understand: Life is complicated and it all moves by so fast. It's hard to say the right thing every time. But do yourself a favor and think more, observe more, talk less — or at least, more slowly. Every time you use words, you've got a chance to help or harm. Avoid the latter. 

John Bowe is a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of "I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in an Age of Disconnection." He has contributed to The New Yorker, The New York Times Magazine, This American Life, and many others. Visit his website here.

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