I've been studying anxiety all my life, because I have it. I remember being knotted up with anxiety on the eve of one birthday, worried sick because time was passing so fast and I had yet to accomplish anything significant. I was turning four.

All this anxiety was one of the reasons I read widely about mental health and our brains. If I could understand the mind, my own mind, then maybe, I could free myself from constant unease.

I remember one study that gave me hope was about neuroplasticity, a term that describes the malleability of our brains. A group of neurologists examined the brains of Tibetan monks who had spent years in meditation. These men had unusually dense tissue in the brain regions associated with happiness, compassion and calm. 

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In one monk, this effect was so pronounced that the scientists measuring his brain activity thought their equipment was broken. But he hadn't always been so calm — he had actually spent his childhood battling crippling anxiety and panic attacks.

What he did was transform his brain by using something called "loving-kindness meditation."

My secret method for feeling better in minutes

Before I learned about this meditation, I stumbled across a similar concept.

I call this process KIST, the acronym for "kind internal self-talk." I've been using it for years. It has helped me feel more emotionally secure, and stop caring what others think. I also often recommend it to my clients.

Here's how to do it:

1. Lead with kindness and compassion

Imagine your anxiety as a small furry animal — I call it your "anxiety creature." Either silently or in a soft, calm voice, tell this creature that you know it's there. 

This part of you won't understand the words, but it will feel your intention. By focusing on kindness, you'll wake up a part of the brain that lives in compassion and doesn't ever get stuck in anxiety. In order to get the effect, it's crucial to frame your sentences as if you're addressing another being. So don't call your scared creature "me" — speak not about it, but to it. 

Say things like:

• "You're okay." 
• "I see you." 
• "I'm here with you." 
• "I can tell you're really scared." 
• "It's all right." 
• "Everything's fine at this moment." 

These words may sound inane to your intellect. But as you repeat them, notice the phrases that do help your anxiety creature settle, even if only a little bit. Repeat the ones that work best.

2. Shift to your hopes for the future

When you feel even a slight reduction in your anxiety, shift to silently offering yourself kind wishes, like these from Tibetan loving kindness meditation: 

• "May you feel safe."
• "May you feel peaceful." 
• "May you be protected from all harm." 
• "May you be happy." 
• "May you feel free." 

You can use whatever compassionate "May you…" statements that you can dream up. The longer you continue offering these wishes to your anxiety creature, the more likely you are to regain a calm interior balance. 

3. Use visualization

Before going back to your normal life, picture yourself tucking your anxiety creature into a comfortable padded box, then carrying the box in a small imaginary bag hanging from a strap across your shoulder. 

Promise your creature that you'll notice when it gets worried and help it calm down whenever it needs your attention. Then keep your promise.

Martha Beck, PhD, is a Harvard-trained sociologist, coach and New York Times bestselling author. Her latest book is "Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life's Purpose."

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The following is an adapted excerpt from "Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life's Purpose" by Martha Beck. Copyright © 2025 by Martha Beck. Published by The Open Field.