Our fantastically hip federal government is funding a $5 million ad campaign promoting marriage. Catch the fever!
The government has a single purpose, and that is to make life as unpleasant as possible for young adults between the ages of 18 and 30. Having already outlawed marijuana, launched numerous campaigns against smoking and made seat belt wearing a prerequisite for getting into Heaven, the government is now assaulting one last bastion of fun: the single life.
You can see where they're coming from, sort of -- marriage offers its participants many alleged benefits such as regular sex and tax breaks. Unfortunately, many youngsters are too jaded about their parents' awful divorce, or maybe just too lazy, to bother to follow through with tying the knot. (Plus everybody knows that sex actually ends with marriage, and fantastic tax breaks will accrue to every citizen, married and un-, as part of Obama's plan to keep our nation out of poverty.)
But that won't stop our government in its quest to turn the United States into a thriving nation of socially and financially stable two-parent households. Their mission starts, of course, with a web site. A web site about relationships and romance. Seriously.
At TwoOfUs.org, a site backed by the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, you can learn about such exciting topics as "Emotional Mastery: The Secret to Incredible Relating" and "Learning Languages of Love in Marriage." Can you imagine anything sexier or more romantic than beckoning your honey over to your computer monitor so that you can read together on the Internet about how the government thinks you can keep your relationship hot? Of course not!
And that is why, following the completion of this campaign, we can expect a rash of marriages in the 18-to-30 set.