Michelle Obama Won't Spill the Beans on Diets

Tour of White House kitchen turns into a carnival of mystery

First Lady Michelle Obama took a few local culinary school students -- and a few reporters -- inside the White House kitchen before hosting the first state dinner of the new administration on Sunday. But, alas, she raised more questions than she answered. How can the American people fully trust Barack Obama with the management of our economy, our national security, and indeed our very futures if we do not know every single detail possible about the eating habits of both the president and his family?

Here's what the tight-lipped First Lady divulged: her husband likes scallops; she likes creamed spinach "without the cream" but Sasha does not; and somebody in the family adores grits. She added this rather opaque pronouncement that was veritably Palin-esque in its circuitousness and apparent lack of a grammatical subject: "There are some mean waffles and grits that are made in the morning that have become a regular staple for some of us."

Why the Cheneyesque veil of secrecy, Mrs. Obama? Are we not entitled to know how the magical uncreamed-creamed spinach is made? Who exactly is the fan of grits, and who the fan of waffles? Could it be one and the same person? And isn't that rather a lot of carbs for such a health-conscious family?

President Obama promised to run the most open and transparent government in American history, and yet already we have encountered a stony wall of culinary silence. Like every citizen, a president is what he eats; therefore, in order to fully know the man, we must be periodically given an itemized list of all substances he consumes, and in what quantity.

Democracy deserves nothing less.

Anti creamed-spinach lobbyist Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and Wonkette.

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