According to the Weather Channel’s homepage, a gigantic shroud of red is enveloping New York City. This red symbolizes “Widespread damaging winds, large hail, and a chance of a tornado.” This is terrifying, but we’re probably not going to die. Still, as you batten down the hatches, fill your bathtub with water and buy the grocery store out of red wine (this is what people do during storms, right?), put on these songs to assuage your fears. Not one of them is Fat Joe’s “Make It Rain.”
Tom Waits, “Clap Hands” -- Tom Waits’ Rain Dogs is the type of record you put on to get sad on purpose. It was one of his first after getting weird, and “Clap Hands” has that particular post-apocalyptic lounge lizard-y vibe you need while awaiting your impending, weather-based doom.
Television, “Marquee Moon” -- Whenever it rains, we gravitate to music that actively makes us think. This 11-minute stunner contains some of the most brilliant, anti-logical guitar interplays of all time, and Tom Verlaine’s cerebral narrative details a loner running around in a graveyard and meeting ominous strangers, which is something you probably won’t be doing in the rain tonight.
Cam’ron, “Killa Cam” -- “Killa Cam” skittering hi-hats accidentally predicted Chicago Footwork, and they’re perfect for helping to pretend the rain pitter-pattering on your window is something you should be happy about rather than icky rain.
Liturgy, “Returner” -- Taking the intense, assaulting template of extreme metal and applying some of the tenets of experimental music could have been a recipe for disaster (or at least ridiculousness), but Brooklyn’s Liturgy have discovered beauty out of the ugly. On “Returner,” they get nearly transcendent, reaching a final breaking point where you feel the intensity give way to something beautiful. Watching a really great rain storm can get like that, too.
Fat Joe f. R. Kelly, T.I., Lil Wayne, Birdman, Rick Ross, Ace Mac and DJ Khaled, “Make It Rain (Remix)”—You really thought we were going to leave this out? If only it were raining money tonight, like it is on “Make It Rain.”
