Looks more like Janice than Janice herself.
Photo: The Fug Girls
It seems impossible that, after a bajilion posts about the sights and sounds of Fashion Week, we'd have anything left to say at all. But there's always something we couldn't fit in or were too tired to articulate; that's why we like to celebrate the end of another season by doling out commendations and citations to the best, the worst, and the most unintentionally hilarious parts of our week. If we had a statuette to give, it'd be a bronzed bust of Anna Wintour popping like a cork out of a Champagne bottle.
HOTTEST IN PERSON
Freed from the shackles of watching Whitney Port like a hawk, Kelly Cutrone looked glowy, rested, and downright cheerful — even shaking her booty with a few male models at Yigal Azrouël's menswear presentation after she personally delivered them all cocktails. That's our kind of boss. Christina Ricci looked like more of a bombshell (and less like a bobblehead) than we thought she might, and we can't say enough about Mary-Kate Olsen's new affinity for shampoo.
ROUGHEST-LOOKING IN PERSON
Sorry, Renée Zellweger, but you looked like you had a rough night and a bad sunburn. And Taylor Momsen should smack whoever authorized that shag; she also might want to think about relaxing, wiping off some of that eyeliner, and simply being 15 instead of trying to leapfrog into her late twenties. Dakota Fanning should take her bowling.
BEST CELEBRITY WE DIDN'T SEE
Arguably the only thing better than the actual Janice Dickinson was bumping into about ten drag-queen versions of The World's First Supermodel. After the Project Runway show on Friday, the faux-J.Dicks were swarming the area in front of the tents handing out flyers advertising the new season of Janice's show. You can't say that woman doesn't know her audience.
CELEB WE HALLUCINATED
We were so sure we spied Evangeline Lilly chatting it up in the front row of Rosa Cha. The woman we thought we'd correctly identified was even interviewed by news crews. But then we heard that Lilly might have been at the Toronto Film Festival that evening. Sure, it's not impossible for her to have made both — especially if she's picked up some handy time-traveling tip from Lost — but we suspect we may have accidentally attributed someone else's way-heinous taste in pants to her. Sorry, Evangeline.
CELEB WE TRIED TO HALLUCINATE
There was a dude at BCBG who looked like Neil Patrick Harris. Well, from about 30 feet away. When we realized it was not, in fact, the glorious NPH, we closed our eyes and tried as hard as we could to make him materialize in front of us. Sadly, no luck.
CELEB WE MISSED
We'd heard a rumor that Natalie Portman was at Derek Lam and dismissed it as just wishful thinking or mistaken identity, since we didn't see her. Alas, La Portman was in the house and just escaped our eagle eyes. Too bad — we were dying to check out her vegan shoes in person.
MOST DISAPPOINTING ABSENCE
A seat in Lacoste's Celebrity Row had a piece of paper on it that said simply, "SWINTON." It seemed just crazy enough to work: Yes, Tilda Swinton is too avant-garde for sportswear, but then again, if anyone out there is likely to wear an off-the-shoulder bathing suit to the Oscars or something, it's Tilda. Tragically, she didn't materialize. But we do think she should start going by "SWINTON," à la Cher. But with the all-caps.
MOST OMNIPRESENT TREND
Everyone from Glenda Bailey to random journalists in the seventh row seemed to have a pair of Über-pricey YSL Tributes on their feet — hardly surprising, since they're hot, but some colors also carry a four-figure price tag. We want some, too, but we decided to keep paying our rent instead.
Matthew Williamson, often a bit neon for our tastes, trotted out a toned-down but still unusual spring color palette and some downright adorable skirts and dresses. Also, Narciso Rodriguez's clothes had us feeling the kind of lust that makes our credit cards sweat.
BEST SIGN FOR ANTM'S STREET CRED
Two former contestants and two winners — Eugena, Bianca, Naima, and Dani(elle) — walked in the Project Runway contestants' shows.
WORST SIGN FOR ANTM'S STREET CRED
Two former contestants and two winners had nothing better to do in the modeling world than walk in the Project Runway contestants' shows.
BEST REALITY SHOW IN THE MAKING
Divinely tall divas André Leon Talley and Venus Williams attended at least two shows together. Somebody please give them a banged-up Oldsmobile and a map and turn them loose on the road, Oprah and Gayle style.
BIGGEST SIGN THAT SOMETHING HAS GONE HORRIBLY AWRY WITH YOUR SCHEDULE
Seeing a model who is probably walking in the show you're heading to, yet she's traveling in the opposite direction. As our cab pulled up a block away from rag & bone's venue, we saw model Jessica Stam circle around our taxi and hop into the back of a giant black SUV. "Wait, isn't that…" we said. "Where is she … shouldn't … was there ANOTHER show out here?" No. Turns out rag & bone had a time change we had forgotten to notice. Our cabbie turned right back around and took us back to Bryant Park. Hey, at least we tipped him well.
SHOW MOST LIKELY TO END IN OUR UNTIMELY DEATHS
Aside from the Bleachers of Doom at Cynthia Rowley, which is the clear winner in this particular category, we also feared for our lives at Rock & Republic on Tuesday. As the spotlights swirled throughout the tent, we noticed that the roof was leaking, thanks to the massive rainstorm that day. Water, plus serious electrical wiring, easily could have equaled electrocution. Maybe next year we'll wear rubber-soled shoes and hard hats everywhere.
We'd been hearing for months that Mariah Carey was going to be the guest judge at Project Runway this season, and when we arrived at the tents and heard Mimi's greatest hits being played over the PA, we were sure that it was accurate and that Jennifer Lopez wasn't going to show after all. Well, the latter part turned out to be true. But while we love Tim Gunn madly, we're pretty sure he's not living a double life as the former star of Glitter. Although that would make a great movie in itself.
THE INAUGURAL "NEW SOPHIA BUSH" AWARD
Given to the marginally famous starlet who magically appears at practically every show at Fashion Week, to the point where we have nothing else to say about her. The crown goes to Zoe Saldana, who seemed to be living in the tents; we assume she's promoting something, yet somehow people are hard-pressed to name offhand anything she's done besides Center Stage and Crossroads. Runner-up: Elizabeth Banks, who made an impressive push for the title late in the week (but might almost be too famous to qualify).
Each seat at DKNY held a full-size bottle of Champagne in celebration of the line's twentieth anniversary. Here's hoping she doles out two when the line turns 21 and can finally drink legally.
We overheard a dude in Bryant Park very enthusiastically telling his male lunch companion that The Feminine Mystique makes a great gift for any lady into whose pants you're trying to get, and it's only $5. We say maybe try flowers before implying that your girlfriend is falling behind on her feminist literature.
BEST PSYCHIC MOMENT
Moments into our first show, we predicted a trip this season, and we were right — apparently Abbey Lee wiped out at Rodarte. We weren't there to see it, but we got a handful of other flubs in its stead: Two models wobbled at both Oscar de la Renta and Project Runway, one seemed to walk back up the runway in the wrong direction at Lacoste, there was a near-collision at the top of the DKNY catwalk, and we had at least two unintentional nip-slips. And people say modeling is easy; we bet those girls are all home icing their tired, shaky ankles today before the European shows start.
BEST JUXTAPOSITION OF GOD AND THE DEVIL
Coming home from Cynthia Rowley, and thanking the sweet Lord that we'd escaped to live another day, we spied a girl wearing a turban and shiny Latex stirrup leggings crossing paths with a nun in full habit. We love New York.
BEST GOSSIP FROM AN UNEXPECTED SOURCE
Never underestimate your cab driver. As we were coming back from Proenza, ours gave us a full ride's worth of delicious gossip about all the rudest celebrities he'd driven around and where, with about a block's margin of error, these inglorious asshats lived. He also assured us that David Lee Roth was the coolest passenger he'd ever had. Believe it or not, that made us feel better about the state of the world.