Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and write a song about your wife leavin’ you for a new man. And she’s takin’ the dog with her. That cheatin’ woman ain’t no good! LET’S GO!
44th ANNUAL CMA AWARDS – 8:00PM (ABC) Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood host this all-star celebration of the year in country music. Is it me, or is there a country music award ceremony every month or so? These people make Hollywood look downright restrained in their award show clutter. Anyway, joining in on the hoedown are (deep breath) Sheryl Crow, Alan Jackson, Lady Antebellum (isn’t that a brand of deodorant?), Miranda Lambert, Reba, Rascal Flatts, George Strait, Sugarland, Taylor Swift, and Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth? Really? She ain’t country, dag nummit! ANTICIPATION: WHISKEY AND BEER!
UNTOLD STORIES OF THE ER – 9:00PM (TLC) A Desert Storm veteran decides to swallow razor blades on a dare. Seems reasonable. Here’s a tip for you daredevils out there: If you’re going to swallow a razor blade (or any blade, really), at least have the good sense to do it on a BET, and not a dare. Get some money out of it, for crying out loud. It’s the only way you’re gonna be able to pay your medical bills once they’re done taking out your mangled intestines. ANTICIPATION: JAGGED METAL KRUSTY O IN EVERY BOX!
I SHOULDN’T BE ALIVE – 10:00PM (Animal Planet) A profile of three men are shipwrecked for 12 days before being rescued. How did they survive? What provided them sustenance? There wasn't even a Professor on hand to show them how to harness thepower of coconut milk. ANTICIPATION: NEARLY DEAD!
TRACK ME IF YOU CAN – 8:00PM (Discovery) This new show features expert Aton Edwards teaching you how to live under the radar and avoid detection. So if you’re a deadbeat dad and you don’t want your old lady back in Montana tracking you down, there’s finally a show to give you the help you need! Hint: Do not hide behind the shrubbery. ANTICIPATION: HOW NOT TO BE SEEN!
WORLD WAR II IN HD – 9:00PM (History Channel) Rare footage of the US 8th Air Force’s missions, brought to you in glorious HD and in color. So that you REALLY feel like a wuss compared to grandpa. ANTICIPATION: BOOM BOOM!