Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and avoid extradition to America from Switzerland. Oh, those rotten Swiss. Is there a criminal alive they won’t coddle with precision watches and picturesque mountain scenery? LET’S GO!
RIZZOLI & ISLES – 10:00PM (TNT) It’s a brand new drama from those folks at TNT, who apparently know this sort of thing. And look! It’s Angie Harmon! I forgot she was an actual actress. I thought she just married football players and displayed children in People magazine. Anyway, Harmon plays a cop and Sasha Alexander plays a medical examiner. And together, THEY KICK SOME SERIOUS CRIMINAL TAIL. It’s essentially Cagney and Lacey And Law & CSI. Also, be on the lookout for Bruce McGill, one of my favorite character actors of all time. He was D-Day in “Animal House”! I can’t believe it’s the same guy! Also, this series has a special ad partnership with MGD 64 beer. I kid you not. So expect Rizzoli to drive by lots of billboards advertising MGD 64’s smooth, surprisingly low calorie taste. Tastes like female liberation. ANTICIPATION: TOUGH LADIES PACKING HEAT!
THE CLOSER – 10:00PM (TNT) It’s your season premiere of Kyra Sedgwick’s smash police procedural. I know it’s the season premiere because TNT put print ads for it all over the place, and they photoshopped Sedgwick even more than they did last time. I have no clue why they do this. Sedgwick is a naturally beautiful woman, yet the print materials come out and they’ve photoshopped her to look like some sort of car-eating female android. Seems highly unnecessary. ANTICIPATION: SOUTHERN ACCENTS!
KID IN A CANDY STORE – 8:00PM (Food Network) This new Food Network series shows you how a Hostess Sno Ball is made (forged by talking polar bears in an Arctic fortress made entirely of hardened powdered sugar), and shows off confectionery delights such as the deep fried cupcake sundae. Because deep frying a cupcake alone simply won’t do. Adding it to ice cream and liquid butterscotch really completes the subtle flavor profile. ANTICIPATION: FAT!
ANTHONY BOURDAIN: NO RESERVATIONS – 10:00PM (Travel Channel) Tony goes to the American Heartland. Something tells me he’ll have a different reaction to the deep fried cupcake sundae than the Food Network host. ANTICIPATION: BEEFY!
SAMANTHA BROWN’S ASIA – 8:00PM (Travel Channel) It’s a new Travel Channel series in which the host gets to travel somewhere cool and eat something good and you have no choice but to sit there and WATCH while downing yet another bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch. In heaven, we all work for the Travel Channel. ANTICIPATION: PAD THAI!