Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and eat scones with clotted cream. Mmmmm… clotted cream. Nothing makes cream better than clots! Rich, lumpy clots. I like to pretend I’m eating clusters of white blood cells. LET’S GO!
THE EVENT – 8:00PM (NBC) NBC’s big serialized thriller returns tonight with a giant 2-hour episode where, like, lots of stuff happens. NBC has gone to great lengths to get new viewers into the show by posting recaps in magazine spreads and what not, but the problem with serialized shows is that, no matter how hard you try and keep people up to date, they’ll still feel like it’s too late to tune in, especially if they suspect the show won’t be around much longer. It makes you wonder if the end is near for this kind of TV show. They’ve very expensive, and it’s a big effort to create a whole mythology around your show if it starts treading water five weeks in. So if you’re big on this kind of show, you might want to tune in. Could be the last of its kind. ANTICIPATION: CONSPIRACIES!
HOUSE – 8:00PM (FOX) Uh oh. It’s a dream sequence episode. And not the good kind, where Lisa Edelstein is a stripper. No, we’re talking musical numbers here, and an Old West sequence. Be on the lookout for a nuked fridge somewhere around the forty-minute mark. ANTICIPATION: WACKY!
THE DAILY SHOW – 11:00PM (Comedy Central) Big fan of confrontation? Why not tune in tonight to watch Jon Stewart interrogate Tea Party darling and ideological opposite Rand Paul? There’s certain to be plenty of clapping and hissing. ANTICIPATION: POLITICS!
HE LOVES ME – 9:00PM (Lifetime) Lifetime’s big original movie this week stars Heather Locklear (who almost certainly insisted on soft focus lenses) as a Seattle woman desperately trying to save a marriage that’s irretrievably broken. If David Spade were playing her husband, this would have been a comedy classic. I wish Lifetime and SyFy would merge their original TV movies into a single entity. “Her husband abused her… because he was half dinosaur!” Tell me that wouldn’t be fun. ANTICIPATION: DRAMA!
BETHENNY EVER AFTER – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) A magazine throws Bethenny a gala to celebrate her style. Yes, that’s right. While you collect unemployment and search frantically for a job, a glossy publication is throwing a lavish party with free food and booze to celebrate a woman who’s never worked. And the reason they’re celebrating her? Because she wears nice clothes. Here, punch this pillow. I’m told it relieves stress. ANTICIPATION: UNFAIR!