The "Sex and the City" comedian appeared in a performance of the long-running off-Broadway show, "Celebrity Autobiography: In Their Own Words," along with Rachel Dratch, Sherri Shepherd, Tate Donovan, and others. The show features actors and comedians reading the unintentionally hilarious autobiographies written by clueless-sounding stars.
The passage Cantone selected from "Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story" described an onstage incident that occurred when Bieber opened for Taylor Swift during a performance in London.
“I broke my foot in front of 12,000 people. AND Taylor Swift,” Cantone said. “To summarize the whole broken foot thing, it sucked!”
Next, he took on Liza Minelli, along with writer Alan Zweibel, who told a cringe-worthy story from Geraldo Rivera’s autobiography, "Exposing Myself," about the reporter’s fruitless attempts to bed the eccentric star.
Sherri Shepherd, "The View" co-host who also appears on "30 Rock", took the stage for a very raunchy reading from "Sex", the infamous book Madonna wrote in 1992. Topics discussed included pillow talk, phone sex, and Madonna’s preference for younger men. (Seems like something that has stuck with her over the years.)
Actress Susie Essman read from "Here's the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore," the autobiography of -- you guessed it -- The Situation.
“Friends, bros, countrymen, lend me your ears. For The Situation has come to give you the situation,” that book begins. “In this guidebook, you’ll find everything you need to win the battle of life.”
Rest assured, the line sounds even more ridiculous when read by a middle-aged Jewish female comedian.
The book goes on to describe “how The Situation came to be.” Said Essman: “I always wanted to know that."
Eugene Pack, who co-created "Celebrity Autobiography," read from "How I Play Golf" by Tiger Woods. Unfortunately for the golfer, who was famously caught in a wide-reaching sex scandal, he describes his method of playing in an incredibly sensual way -- a fact that Pack gleefully highlighted during his reading as the audience howled with laughter.
One of the evening’s highlights came when Essman read from Cher’s "Forever Fit," Cantone read from Barbra Streisand’s "My Passion for Design," and Zweibel read from actor George Hamilton’s "Don’t Mind If I Do." The three collaborated on a hilarious mash-up about their food preferences, which made each of the celebrities sound completely absurd.
“Carrots, peas, string beans, and artichokes," Cantone read, showing off his pitch-perfect Streisand impersonation."I love how they come back every year."
Another mash-up featured Shepherd, Dratch,and Cantone reading from "Soul Survivors: The Official Autobiography of Destiny’s Child."
“I gain weight in my thighs. I’m human,” Shepherd deadpanned, reading as Beyonce Knowles. “It’s tough, having to watch my weight. I don’t want to watch what I eat at every meal, but it’s part of being a celebrity.
"They have no carb chocolate now, which is saving my life.”