In the name of GOOP, I have now given up white foods (bread, pasta), preserved foods (chips, cookies), toxic foods (candy, ice cream), and foods containing heavy metals (I never quite figured this one out). I have dutifully tried to rid myself of negativity and the inner gunk of past excess by drinking two tablespoons of olive oil every night before bed. I have done butt-lifting exercises in my living room, cultivated my “sticktoitiveness,” cooked enormous feasts one day and subsisted on kale and lemon water the next. I have given myself a five-minute makeover involving a tight drugstore headband and slathered home-made Turbinado sugar and coarsely ground coffee paste on my cheeks, to open up my pores. I have paired slouchy trousers with a shirt that has “some edge.” I have added adaptogenic herbal formulas to my morning routine and tried to eat in accordance with my body’s natural rhythms. I have experimented with four different recipes for chocolate chip cookies. I have practiced the African philosophy of ubuntu. I have purchased leggings.
What? She went through all that, and so far as we can tell, didn't even get to have sex with a British rock star at the end? No, thanks. We'd rather live like a different celebrity. Like maybe Zach Galifianakis. Where's his newsletter?
My Life As Gwyneth [Daily Beast]
Previously on Daily Intel...
- When Trying to Sell Your Stolen Painting, Leave Out the ‘Stolen’ Part
- How Congress Is Responding to Obama’s Speech
- Madoff on SEC: ‘You Don’t Have to Be Too Brilliant With These Guys’