Admittedly, your Vulture editors are no Nate Silver -- but that doesn't mean we can't prognosticate! Using the events of this week, what can we divine about the future?
Bets Safer Than a Slumdog Sweep:
-- If this year's Oscar nominees take our advice, they'll be richer, happier, and twice as likely to be nominated next year.
-- Tatiana Del Toro is the most insufferable American Idol contestant in history, and she'll be back.
-- Zack Snyder's Watchmen will be a travesty. Also, you probably don't need to see it in IMAX.
-- The Oscar red carpet will be overrun with adorable slumdogs.
-- The Roots will succumb to exhaustion.
-- Ebert and Roeper will save televised film criticism.
Bets As Probable As Kate Winslet Retiring Her "Losing Face" This Weekend:
-- Interscope will receive an angry phone call from Bono.
-- Conan O'Brien is doomed.
-- Hugh Jackman will tell a Ricky Gervais' penned Holocaust joke.
-- Americans will be horrified by Sam Mendes's penis balloons.
-- M.I.A. will perform horizontally on Sunday night.
-- Mickey Rourke will ditch his date the minute the Oscars are over.
-- Heath Ledger's Best Supporting Actor statue will go missing.
Bets As Unlikely As a Frost/Nixon Upset:
-- All of our Oscar predictions will be correct.
