Power rankings. You hate them. They’re so arbitrary and pointless, especially when they include all 32 NFL teams. All you want to know after a good week of NFL action is who the bestest team in the NFL right now, and which one is the absolute barrel-scraping worst. The one so terrible, Andrew Luck will decide to play his senior year to prevent having to join them. That’s why we have TOP AND BOTTOM OF THE NFL, where we go to great lengths to tell you who’s the top dog in football right now, this very minute. LET’S GO!
THE TOP: Green Bay Packers
And now they stand alone. Not only are the Packers the NFL's lone unbeaten team at 6-0, they also possess the league's best point differential (+83), and the league's best scoring offense. Looking ahead, their road to the Super Bowl could be laughably easy. Imagine if the Niners are able to rack up 11 wins (not out of the question given their schedule) and secure a first round bye. With the NFC East and NFC South both kicking the crap out of each other, the Packers' path to the Super Bowl could include a home divisional game against the Giants (and while Eli won at Lambeau in the 2007 NFC title game, that was against Brett Favre and his vast collection of floaterballs), and then a home date against Alex Smith in the title game. They could win those games by a combined 40 points. Who's stopping this team in the NFC? New Orleans has already proven it doesn't have the defense to stop Aaron Rodgers. The Packers are about to engage in a bloodless death march to the Super Bowl, and there's nothing you can do about it.
THE BOTTOM: Miami Dolphins
There are three winless teams currently competing in the SUCK FOR LUCK sweepstakes (Has Pat Riley trademarked that term yet? He probably has), and so it's going to come down to scheduling to see just who will end up sucking the most. The Rams, for all of their issues, have a schedule custom made for digging out of a hole, with two games against the Cards and Seahawks, plus a road trip to Cleveland. They'll win one of those games, if not more. You see it all the time with teams that start the season on a bad losing streak. They get that first win, then rack up a couple more before staggering to a morally uplifting 5-11 record that has people going, "Hey, they could BE someone next year!"
That leaves us with the Colts and Dolphins. The Colts get two games against the Jaguars to help avoid 0-16, but the rest of the schedule is a brute: the Pats, the Ravens, the Saints... it's murderous. The Dolphins have an easier go of it. Ah, but when your owner is hellbent on getting Andrew Luck you've got yourself an edge. How else can we explain Tony Sparano's continued unemployment? Or the constant throws to Darrelle Revis in the red zone last night? I SMELL A RAT, WHICH HAS BEEN EATEN BY A DOLPHIN AND LEFT TO FERMENT IN THAT DOLPHIN'S BELLY.