The following letter doesn't actually exist, but maybe it should.
Congratulations on winning the American League pennant! You guys did a super job and I hope you enjoyed the moment.
I have to admit, you guys had us worried for the last couple of days. I couldn't stop thinking about your game on Sunday night, playing out all the possibilities in my head. Don't tell coach Coughlin, but for most of the game against the Cardinals I was trying to find out the score in the Bronx. Peyton's so lucky that Indianapolis doesn't have a team, it's too hard to think about so many things at once. Between you and me, I wasn't paying any attention to what was going on with the defense. Oops!
In addition to the congratulations, I wanted to thank you on behalf of myself and all my teammates. I'm not sure if you're a football fan, but we haven't been playing our best for the last couple of weeks. I've had four interceptions and a fumble in the last two games -- I'm basically the Nick Swisher of football! Normally, they'd be saying mean stuff about me in the papers and on TV when I'm playing like this, but not this year. I guess it's true what they say. Timing is everything.
Because you and the rest of the Yankees have been having such a great run, hardly anybody's noticed that we've been beaten pretty badly by two teams with a good shot of making the playoffs in the NFC. Heck, thanks to that new guy throwing five interceptions last weekend, people barely even know I exist. It's like a genie popped out of a bottle and granted me my fondest wish.
Anyway, we'll both be in Philadelphia next Sunday. We should grab a latte or something so I can tell you how mean the people down there can be. It's like they don't want us to do well or something.
Hopefully it will be easier to concentrate on our game since you guys won't be playing until after we're done. Whatever happens, though, it is good to know that everyone will be more concerned with how you do than how I do.
P.S. Could you tell A-Rod to knock it off? If he plays like crap in the World Series, it would pretty much guarantee that no one else could get criticized for like a month and we've got some tough games coming up. Thanks again!