If Plaxico Isn't Actually Stupid, Then What Is He?

By PATRICE EVANS

Updated 2:06 PM EST, Tue, Dec 2, 2008

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Between the jokes (a wide receiver walks into a bar, asks for a shot ... in his leg!), neologisms (like “plaxident”), and t-shirts and general merchandising, the Plaxico Burress drama has created an entire industry bent on poking fun at the ridiculousness of it all.

In fact I was going to headline this post with my personal favorite, "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just Plaxico Burress?" Ha, it's even better in person.

But seriously folks, for those who wondered why sports blogs exist, it turns out their purpose is to make every joke possible when a player shoots himself in the leg, in a night club, by accident, and then later claims it happened at Applebees as an alibi. For writers looking to fill their blog engines with unleaded snark, a story like this means good times.

This particular scenario, however, might not have the, um, legs to last long as a punchline. Jokes are funniest when the premise that underwrites the humor is true; for example, any joke about how Matt Millen and/or the Lions suck is inevitably hilarious. In this case though, the seed of the joke -- Plaxico being an idiot -- is likely to be grounded by the gravity of the incident. As they say, guns are only fun and games until someone shoots themselves in the thigh.

Also, the premise is not true; there's little argument about whether Burress's actions were idiotic, but it doesn't mean the man himself is retarded. No matter how silly and outlandish the players may act in public, the NFL demands intelligence from those who desire to play at an All-Pro level. Guys like Terrell Owens, and Ocho Cinco, and Plax (what is up with the wide receiver position?) might be menaces to society, but they're not stupid.

And if Plax isn't actually stupid, then what is he? Is he unlucky? Is he an obnoxiously selfish a-hole? Is he a big proponent of the second amendment, and an armed populace? Is he too invested in male machismo? Does he have daddy issues? Is he aloof, such that he might overlook the immediate and unnecessary danger simply possessing a gun in a crowded club creates?

I have no idea on these questions, and have gotten little help from the coverage on PlaxicoGate; so it seems much like a young athlete who has all the tools but lacks the focus, blogs and the media at large are failing to maximize their potential. This is a story with serious issues a the heart of it -- gun culture, rights/rules for the rich and/or famous etc. -- by covering this from an angle that prioritizes stand-up routines over insight into how such a reckless accident can occur, we are in essence dropping the ball, and/or shooting ourselves in the leg.