Rick Santorum For President

Former Pa. senator starts acting like a presidential candidate

By Sara K. Smith
|  Wednesday, Aug 12, 2009  |  Updated 10:38 AM EDT
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Presidential GOP Hopefuls for 2012

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Don't let the mildly crazy eyes fool you. He's actually extremely crazy.

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Oh, happy day! It looked like the slate of 2012 Republican candidates was going to be as dull as last night's warmed-over unsalted meatloaf: an unappetizing blend of clueless, chunky slobs who think that "titillating" is something you can get arrested for.

Fortunately, there's a new entrant in the mix: former Pennsylvania senator and full-time nutball Rick Santorum. The man who promised the world wall-to-wall man-on-dog sex if gay marriage were ever legalized, and who furthermore predicted dramatic terror attacks on the United States "before November" of 2007 or 2008 (nobody's sure, not even Rick) and failed to deliver on either pledge is now gearing up to disappoint the world one more time.

He's going to Iowa! And everybody knows that the only reason for any politician, current or former, to visit such a godforsaken state is to launch a doomed presidential bid.

The Pennsylvanian, who lost his 2006 re-election bid, will visit Iowa on October 1st, appearing on a Des Moines radio talk show and speaking to a luncheon and workshop of Iowa’s Right to Life group before heading east to Dubuque, where he’ll headline a fundraiser for the conservative America’s Future Fund PAC and then speak about the future of the GOP to a public audience in the Mississippi River city.
“Your voice becomes more amplified when you go to a place like Iowa or New Hampshire,” Santorum explained in an interview Tuesday about the visit.

If the world needs one thing right now, it's the amplified voice of Rick Santorum -- which is sure to drown out all those pesky fiscal and social moderates who the top Republican brass seem to think have the best chance at defeating President Obama in 2012.

Santorum minces no words when it comes to displaying his pathological brand of nuttiness.

And that is why, in three and a half short years, he'll be sworn in as President of the United States.

Gay marriage and terrorism expert Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and Wonkette.

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