The 21 Things You Can’t Say to the President on His Summer Vacation:
1. Two weeks’ paid vacation after only seven months on the job? Sweet!
2. Biden says he’s willing to caddy if you let him play golf with you.
3. Cable at Camp David? Nobody told us you wanted cable at Camp David!
4. Chuck Grassley wants to know why he’s invited to Yellowstone only if he sits on top of Old Faithful.
5. We know the first lady got to wear shorts, but that doesn’t mean you get to wear shorts.
6. Officer Crowley and Professor Gates are still in the garden. Should somebody tell them it’s OK to go home?
7. President Clinton called and says he is willing to fly to Afghanistan to investigate allegations of wild parties in Kabul. He’s called four times, in fact.
8. Mitt Romney says don’t put Bo on top of the car.
9. The National Park Service says it will cost only $1.37 million to put up a badminton net on the South Lawn.
10. Hillary wants to know if while you’re at Camp David, she can come into the Oval Office and measure for new drapes.
11. Biden says he knows we’re not near the clubhouse, but he’s all wee-weed up.
12. New poll numbers? We haven’t heard anything about new poll numbers.
13. We checked, sir, and those people wandering around Martha’s Vineyard were “birders,” not “birthers.”
14. But your medical plan doesn’t cover poison ivy!
15. Blockbuster says it’s out of “The Godfather” and “The Godfather: Part II” but wonders if “Part III” will be OK.
16. Technically you are in charge of the National Weather Service, but that doesn’t mean you can make sure it doesn’t rain until you are back at work.
17. McDonald’s says if it extends the $1.19 Egg McMuffin offer for you, it will have to extend the offer for everybody.
18. Dick Cheney wants to know if he can come back and look for some boxes he left behind. He says they are filled just with old books and pictures and not incriminating documents linking him to horrifying acts of illegal torture.
19. “Bo ate a cricket.” You really want us to Tweet that?
20. If we let you have a news conference, it wouldn’t be a vacation.
21. Rahm says you were supposed to bring the potato salad.