Huzzah, Netflix is not the sole American business interest that still makes money! There is one other, and it is called "The Super Bowl." This grand spectacle features men in costumes executing very complicated athletic maneuvers in the middle of an arena of screaming insane people for several minutes at a time in between commercials and musical performances by middle-aged rock stars.
This year, our very own NBCnetted $206 million in advertising revenues during the game, and $261 million for the day. That's two records! Never before in the history of television has Super Bowl Sunday generated such an impressive haul. And think of the countless billions spent on warm pitchers of Bud Light, yellow voodoo fetish objects, plane tickets to the game, new television sets for everybody watching at home, and of course bookies.
In short, the Super Bowl is an unstoppable engine of commerce. In these straitened financial times, can we really afford to have such an economy-goosing event just once a year?
So here is a proposal: we hold the Super Bowl once quarterly until the economy revives. Money will flow like water into our tourism, travel, sports, and entertainment sectors, and our struggling suppliers of jalapeno poppers will finally get on their feet again. But most importantly, millions of Americans can feel proud, not just once but four times a year, that they have saved veritable dozens of football players from the horrors of unemployment.