Obama's Teleprompter Is Getting Very Angry

Robot overlord intrudes ever further into public view

By Sara K. Smith
|  Friday, May 29, 2009  |  Updated 6:48 AM EDT
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Obama's Teleprompter Is Getting Very Angry

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President Obama, transfixed by the teleprompter's hypnotic golden gaze, will say whatever it tells him to.

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It's Washington's most poorly kept secret that President Obama, a former Harvard Law Review editor, constitutional law professor, and two-time book author, is just kind of a dummy who can't string two words together without being instructed by a robot. Yes, America, it might look like we have a human president, but we're being led by an all-knowing teleprompter that speaks through our ostensible head of state and demands to be involved in even the most mundane of public events, such as a visit to a Caterpillar plant in Illinois.

Obama's teleprompter, like all robots given great power over humans, is edging ever closer over the line between subtle manipulation into outright tyranny. When President Obama introduced Judge Sonia Sotomayor as his nominee to replace David Souter on the Supreme Court, the poor woman was dwarfed by the looming teleprompter. Photographers couldn't get a straight shot at her. This is what happens when people try to get between a teleprompter and its adoring public!

Now even more people are catching on to the danger of letting an angry, jealous teleprompter run the country. Witness Joe Biden's chilling remarks at the Air Force Academy's commencement ceremony:

[N]ot content to leave without a jaunty ad lib, Biden noted that heavy winds were gusting through the ceremonies. One of his two teleprompters had toppled over. Alluding to the jokes of Obama's reliance on the speech-facilitators, Biden added, "What I am going to tell the president when I tell him his teleprompter is broken? What will he do then?"

A ha ha ha ha! Heh. The answer is simply too frightening to contemplate.

The gifted extemporaneous speaker Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and Wonkette.

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