New Booze Tax Will Make Humanitarians Of Us All

The more you drink, the more you help fund healthcare

By SARA K. SMITH

Updated 4:05 AM EST, Fri, May 22, 2009

Print Email Share TWITTER FACEBOOK

Patriotic Americans should consider it their sacred duty to consume as much beer as possible.

Getty Images

Attention drinkers: Congress has heard your call, and lawmakers have finally found a way for you to contribute to our grand national effort to expand healthcare availability.

Here's the deal: a possible new increase in taxes on beer, wine, and liquor, if passed, will help raise an estimated $60 billion over ten years. That money will help fund health insurance for the more than 50 million Americans who currently go without. So the more you drink, the more you contribute to this admirable effort!

It's kind of a perfect plan. Detractors say it's a "sin tax," and that it isn't the government's job to punish people for having fun. While this is a fine point, it's the wrong way of looking at the issue.

This arrangement creates a win-win situation for everybody. Drinkers, far from feeling like they're "sinning," can feel like they're playing a vital role in promoting the health and well-being of all Americans. The real sin would be in not drinking enough.

And to those who say a new tax would discourage drinking, please believe that those of us who are truly dedicated boozehounds would never let something like a little tax get between us and a bottle.

Very few people have extra scratch these days to contribute to charity, and we're all too busy looking for jobs to bother volunteering anywhere. This proposed alcohol tax hike gives us a chance to help our fellow citizens, and maybe even ourselves, without having to make real sacrifices.

Mixologist and wine snob Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and Wonkette.