Clinton's Man Loses
McAuliffe's defeat proves that everything the former president touches turns to failure
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Bill and Hillary Clinton's beloved court jester could not persuade the people of Virginia to vote for him over some penniless country lawyer named "Deeds."
The loquacious, occasionally delusional, Clinton clown Terry McAuliffe lost the Virginia gubernatorial primary yesterday. This was good for the state but bad for comedy, and for the Clintons. McAuliffe came into the race as a nationally known political figure with buckets of cash and lots of nifty slogans -- but he lost anyway, because the Washington Post endorsed another candidate and for the first time in living memory a newspaper endorsement appeared to have some effect on the polls.
But the real story isn't about McAuliffe; it's about his lifelong friends and patrons, Bill and Hillary Clinton. Just as Hillary Clinton looked like a shoo-in for president before primary voters actually started voting, McAuliffe was the "inevitable" candidate for governor as soon as he announced. Bill Clinton campaigned his heart out for each of them, to little effect.
What, exactly, is up with that? Does nobody care about Bill Clinton anymore, and his very clearly articulated desires about who should get elected? Why must Americans keep voting for people whom Bill Clinton does not support?
The old Clinton magic, it seems, is gone. Hillary's stuck dragging her hindquarters back and forth across the globe, like a modern day Jacob Marley, atoning for her sins by practicing diplomacy throughout our planet's many backwaters. Bill, try as he might, can't even persuade a handful of Virginians to back his pal in the Hawaiian shirt. Is America's number one political brand finally and forever finished?
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Back in the day Bill Clinton could have stumped for Genghis Khan and he would have won the Virginia primary. Now he can't even get a harmless old glad-hander from Syracuse over the hump.
If only Clinton started stumping for Mayor Michael Bloomberg, New Yorkers might finally get a new mayor this fall.
Renowned Clintonologist Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and Wonkette.
