David Letterman teed off his return to the “Late Show” stage after a week’s vacation with a series of Tiger Woods jokes, and took a few swings at his own sex scandal by saying the world’s No. 1 golfer should stop calling him for advice.
"Boy, it looks like that Tiger Woods is having some trouble, huh?" Letterman said while puffing out his cheeks and flashing a mischievous grin. “I was thinking that if this thing happened three months ago I’d have material for a year.”
The CBS funnyman joked that he used to think golf was boring. Not anymore.
“I've never seen a media firestorm so big since my gay kiss with Adam Lambert,” he said.
On President Obama's decision to deploy troops to Afghanistan: "Hell, he ought to be sending them to Tiger Woods' house."
Letterman, who in October revealed on-air that he’d been blackmailed and copped to sex with staffers, didn't shy away from making light of his own situation either.
The answer to his Top 10 list on how Woods might improve his image: “Blame Letterman.”
In another segment, Letterman asked his audience to judge who was the greater jerk, himself or Woods, by a show of applause. The crowd clapped for each.
Letterman also made light of Woods’ lucrative endorsements.
“If he’s actually this active, maybe he deserves to be on the Wheaties box,” he said.