Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and break in your clown shoes. LET’S GO!
SEAHAWKS/CHARGERS – 8:00PM (ESPN) Holy guacamole, it's the NFL! On TV! Tonight! Oh sure, it's a meaningless preseason game, and the NFL preseason is kind of enraging because it only serves to remind you that it is clearly NOT the real thing, but still! FOOTBALL! I'll take any football I can get. I'm like a man wandering out of a desert. I'll accept any and all football to sate my appetite. Except Arena League football. That's lame. Anyway, watch tonight as Philip "Marmalard" Rivers and the San Diego Chargers take on the Seattle Seahawks and new quarterback Tarvaris Jackson, who is awful. ANTICIPATION: NFL!
REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE – 9:00PM (FOX NEWS) The gang's all here for this primetime debate, coming to you live from gorgeous Ames, Iowa! Ames, home of the footlong corn dog! Actually, I have no clue what Ames is famous for. But a footlong corndog is as safe a bet as any. This will be the first Republican debate to feature sexy dark horse candidate Jon Huntsman. No Rick Perry, though. You RePerrycans will have to wait until your hero has officially entered the fray. Say a prayer. ANTICIPATION: HEATED!
JERSEY SHORE – 10:00PM (MTV) I neglected to address the season premiere last week, perhaps out of blind anger that these people, of all people, were paid vast sums of money to take a long vacation to Italy. In this economy, it makes me just wanna... GRRRRR. Anyway, tonight the Situation apparently wants to take his relationship with Snooki to "the next level," and you can't tell me that story angle wasn't forced on him by a producer. ANTICIPATION: FAKE!
PROJECT RUNWAY – 9:00PM (Lifetime) Last week, Nina Garcia once again bulldozed her way through the judges to reward a subpar outfit. They specifically asked designers to NOT use fabrics from the pet store, and who do they crown the winner? Freakin' Olivier, who used a dog bed cover (and fitted it poorly, POORLY I SAY), while Anthony Ryan (aka Scott Weiland Jr.) made a dress out of nothing but bird seed and had to settle for second. Nina Garcia must be destroyed. ANTICIPATION: RIGGED!
LOUIE – 10:30PM (FX) After a rocky start to the season, the past two episodes have been outstanding. And if you're looking for a show where you have no idea what's coming next, this is probably the best show on Earth for unpredictability. ANTICIPATION: GENIUS!